Friday, 12 May 2017

Caught in the middle. . .

I don't need no help, I can sabotage me by myself. . . 

I can't think of getting old
It only makes me want to die
And I can't think of who I was
'Cause it just makes me want to cry, cry, cry
Can't look back, can't look too far ahead
I got the point, I got the message

It's a funny thing isn't it.  Those points of realisation.  It's almost like the scales fall from your eyes and they adjust and strain to try to gain focus of your surroundings.  You see things for what they really are, who you really are and exactly where you are in that moment.  Whatever you thought you were living from before and what you can't see ahead, seems irrelevant.  The present moment is enough of a revelation for you to understand that seeing the reality of your situation comes with gravity and being grounded in a way that you haven't felt for so long.  When was the last time that you felt so sure of anything?  When was the last time that you felt this confident and so sure of yourself and what you needed to do in this moment?  When you get the point and you get the message, it's almost deafening and you can't believe you never noticed the signs along the way.  Maybe you saw, but you chose to ignore.

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
I try to keep going but it's not that simple
I think I'm a little bit caught in the middle
Gotta keep going or they'll call me a quitter
Yeah I'm caught in the middle

Why do you find yourself caught in the middle?
Is it because you're the only that makes sense of things and holds everything together?
What would happen if you were able to extract yourself from the situation?
You have to wonder how you never saw it coming, how you never saw yourself get entangled in the first place.  The more you struggled, the more entangled you became and the more you became involved in the situation, in all of the stories that had to be woven because you didn't realise how intricate the stories had to be to keep you in place, the longer it took you to figure a way out.

I was dreaming life away 
All the while just going blind
Can't see the forest for the trees
Behind the lids of my own eyes
Nostalgia's cool, but it won't help me now
A dream is good, if you don't wear it out

The thing about nostalgia is that it is a safe place to escape to when your reality isn't what you wanted it to be.  It's a safe place to be when you want to escape from expectations, from obligations and from the constant demands that people put in front of you that you are meant to address, acknowledge and resolve.  When you think about what sits behind the lids of your own eyes, are you happy with what you see there?  If you can't see the forest for the trees then it's a sure sign that it's time to retreat and take some time out to be able to make out the detail of those trees, to be able to see each leaf and notice how the wind catches on each one and makes them dance and swirl around when they are pulled from their branches.


I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
I try to keep going but it's not that simple
I think I'm a little bit caught in the middle
Gotta keep going or they'll call me a quitter
Yeah I'm caught in the middle

What stops you when you want to keep going?
The thing about simplicity is that it's a matter of perception.  Things can be as simple as you want them to be.  Even the most complex situation can have the simplest answer.  It might be the most extreme answer that you find yourself faced with, but it's the fear of the consequences of the actions that we need to take that makes us think that things are harder than they have to be.  What does it mean to be a little bit caught then, as opposed to being massively caught in the middle?  You would think then that it is easier to extricate yourself from the situation.  I find that walking away is in fact, the simplest answer to having to deal with any situation, to avoid any sort of interaction that might result in some kind of drama or yikes, some sort of altercation.

No I don't need no help 
I can sabotage me by myself
Don't need no one else
I can sabotage me by myself
Don't need no one else
I can sabotage me by myself

Self sabotage is probably the worst thing you can do to yourself.
Bad enough if you are a sucker for punishment, keep getting yourself drawn to situations and drama-filled people who thrive on conflict and no resolution in sight, but if you create that unnecessary drama - please step to the side.  Have you ever beaten yourself up for laying yourself vulnerable and open to being hurt or abused by people?  You think that you're being a good friend or you're being supportive, but get caught in the crossfire and then find that you're stuck between a rock and a hard place.  Then realise that the rock and the hard place are people who want to keep you stuck in their world, because they need you more than you need them.  How do you stop repeating this vicious cycle of self sabotage?  Where you think that you need to be there to save everyone?  Who will save you?

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
I try to keep going but it's not that simple
I think I'm a little bit caught in the middle
Gotta keep going or they'll call me a quitter
Yeah I'm caught in the middle

I hope that you don't find yourself getting a little bit caught in the middle.
Sometimes being caught in the middle can be light and breezy and you laugh at yourself for finding yourself caught, and you patiently try to set yourself free or someone approaches you laughing as silly as you are to find you in such a state.  Or maybe you're caught in the middle and it doesn't feel light and fun at all, but instead it feels sad and full of trauma - nothing that you've caused, but something that you've unwittingly walked into because you fell into a trap they didn't even know they set to ensnare you.  Can you escape in time?  Otherwise you're caught in the middle raging against that rock and a hard place, refusing to allow yourself become a victim to the games that are being played out at your expense, but hey, you knew what you were getting yourself into.  You look up, defeated and look them dead in the eye and openly admit, I'm no quitter but yeah I'm caught in the middle. . .