Sunday, 28 May 2017

Smallest light. . .

I've got big things to do. . . 

Break my heart
Break my hands
You can take anything but my plans
Ooh ooh I've got big things to do

Have you been inundated with people hell bent on trying to ruin your plans?
I'm not sure whether it's the change of season or you're starting to develop some discernment and seeing people for who they really are, but it's definitely something that has become increasingly apparent in more recent times.  So how do you deal with it?  How do you maintain focus and keep yourself grounded so that you continue to believe in the things that you know you've always done that help others, things that you have always done that stem from the beliefs and values that you hold in a special place in your heart?  People will come in and out of your life, either ready to break your heart and break your hands, meaning that they are here to stop you from realising your brilliance.  I guess the question is - will you let them?  Ain't nobody got time for people like that - so don't make room for them in your life - ok!

You can laugh
Have your fun
I'll be standing right here when you're done
Ooh ooh I've got big things to do

When you are a person of colour, it is easy for people to view you as the expert in your own race, in the group of people that you have been tasked with representing.  But I maintain that there is a distinct difference between yes, knowing your cultural identity and for some people they might choose to know all there is to know about values and protocols to do with their ethnic identity, but my race doesn't also define the skills that I possess either.  Don't get me wrong, it definitely is one of the contributing factors, because if that was the case, then every single Pacific Islander I know would be all the same, like Stepford Wives or robots that are mass produced - no.  We are people who have different skill sets just like everybody else who has the potential to do whatever in all things they set their hearts and minds to achieve.  People will laugh at you and think you won't amount to anything.  But I think we have moved too far beyond all of that to still be stuck in 1950s Aotearoa New Zealand.

Just because you don't see us
Doesn't mean that we don't exist
Sometimes the smallest light
Shines so bright
Yeah, sometimes the smallest light shines so bright

When you are not being seen, and you are physically there, it is because people do not want you there.  I have lost count of the number of times when I've suddenly become invisible.  It makes me smile wryly when you can't exactly hide a woman like me in a confined space.  It's not physically possible.  Not just because I take up a lot of space, but I know how to stay in my space without having to crowd others, yet I sense I might be intimidating to them.  It's a matter of perception I guess.  I think early on in my career it used to bother me, but I don't think you should ever have to apologise for being in a room, especially if you're qualified to be there.


I got heart, it's enough
It's the only thing left that they can't pull apart
And when they try, I'll fly

It is understandable that you guard your heart.  It's the thing about you that helps you understand how you feel, the control room of your centre of emotions and helps you to decide who cares about you or who doesn't.  Who uses you and who doesn't.  Who wants to ruin you and who doesn't.  Have you figured out an escape route yet?  Sometimes we think that we need to subject ourselves to unimaginable pain because we did unfathomable deeds - but you are your own worst enemy.  Trust your heart and know that it deserves love, your own especially.  I wouldn't let anybody rip my heart from my body and stamp all over it and hope to kill any emotions I had.  If I saw somebody try to do that to my friends and family, I wouldn't let them anywhere near to cause any damage.  So why do you do that to yourself?  Why allow someone enough power to try to do that to you?

I can't win, there's a cost
You can't lose what you've already lost
Ooh ooh I've got big things to do

What have you already lost?
When we have nothing left to lose, it is only then that we act with complete recklessness and total abandon because there is nothing left to stop us from noticing any risk anymore.  There are no further repercussions, ramifications or consequences that could possibly deter you from making the choices that you should have made long ago.  When we accept what we have lost or haven't done, then it is time to look at what we want to gain and what we haven't done - and go do that.

Just because you don't see us
Doesn't mean that we don't exist
Sometimes the smallest light
Shines so bright
Yeah, sometimes the smallest light shines so bright

I hope you realise that when people can't see you for who you are, that you can either make them see you, so you go and do things to stand out or just no, accept that they can't see you because their eyes aren't made to see the beauty of you.  People that truly value you, will see you no matter how small your light is.  They will gravitate towards you and want to spend time with you because of not what you can do for them, what you can give them, but because they just enjoy being around you.  There are people who will reach out to you when you least expect them to, being exactly who you need them to be, when you think all hope is gone.  Be open to all of the things and people that come with encouragement when you need it the most.  What message do you want to put across to those who should know you but don't?  Just because you don't see us. . . (we've) only just begun. . .