Sunday, 4 June 2017

Breathe again. . . (Sara Bareilles). . .

How you feel before you've found that something you were searching for. . . 

Car is parked, bags are packed, but what kind of heart doesn't look back
All the comfortable glow from the porch, the one I will still call yours?
All those words come undone and now I'm not the only one
Facing the ghosts that decide if the fire inside still burns

Do you question what your heart holds?  Especially when you consider how you might think you have run out of love that is meant to live in your heart, enough so that when you find someone that you want to give love to, it should automatically transfer its value across like some paywave transaction that happens when words are spoken or actions demonstrated.  What value do you place on those words becoming undone now?  What ghosts linger in the wake of what is happening?

All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe
Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something
Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again
I'll breathe again

You have to wonder if you are out of breath because he is the air and he's withdrawing from you now.  What power does he hold if you have allowed him to become the air that you would kill to breathe?  You should start to realise that his love is not enough and never will be, because it's not meant for you, he can barely love himself as it is, and you will learn to breathe without him in time, as you learn to trust your own breathing again.  This is how you will breathe again.

Open up next to you and my secrets become your truth
And the distance between that was sheltering me comes in full view
Hang my head, break my heart built from all I have torn apart 
And my burden to bear is a love I can't carry anymore

You don't need to question if any of the things you shared were true or not.
They might have been true at the time and they might even have meant something, but like moments in time, they are fleeting, they pass, unless you can record them and watch them over and over again (why would you torture yourself like that) and if you were able to build foundations of something worth having - after that - isn't that what everyone wants?  But I guess people try to keep their options open.  People want escape routes if they can't handle who they become in situations, because they might feel unworthy of such a love and finally start holding that mirror up to themselves and see themselves for who they are rather than gazing out the window and blaming others for their choices.


All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe
Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something
Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again
I'll breathe again

When someone holds your love in their hands, you question how they are holding it.
Are they being gentle with your love?  Are they being careful with it?
Are they being rough with your love?  Are they creating bruises that make you worse for wear?
Are they being nonchalant and careless with your love?  Now they have it, they're being reckless with it and wouldn't think twice about dropping it, losing it or abusing it for their own entertainment.
What are you left with after they hold your love in their hands?  Are they hands you can trust?

Oh it hurts to be here 
I only wanted love from you
Yeah, it hurts to be here
What am I gonna do?

Is this what you really wanted?
Sometimes when we think that what we want from people is love, it is actually honesty.
We just want people to be genuine with their intentions and mean what they say.  Do you get sick of reading between the lines?  Why do people make things harder than they need to do?  We question people's intentions because we might still be smarting from bad experiences that we have had with past relationships and we're not sure how we will proceed when people cross our paths and cause a distraction from the daily routine of your life, from the goals and deadlines you have disciplined yourself to follow.

All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe
Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something
All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe
Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something
Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again
I'll breathe again, I'll breathe again
I'll breathe again, I'll breathe again
I'll breathe again, I'll breathe again

I hope you realise that the things you were searching for all along, have lain inside you.
We can often rely on other people to fix us, to take a look at our issues, problems and discrepancies and make us new again.  Nobody has the power to do that.  As well intentioned as they might as well, this doesn't actually help us in the long run.  You can finally understand that the love you were carrying for this person is a burden that you should not be prepared to carry anymore, not out of some sense of misguided loyalty, nor out of some sense of misguided self sabotage and punishment.  If people can no longer see the amazing worth that is you, or can't handle the brilliance that you are, then they are doing this because you are the air that they need to breathe.  They just don't know how to breathe.  So they must push you away in order to learn how to breathe on their own.  They will breathe again, just without you.  Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again. . .