Saturday, 10 June 2017

Strangers again. . .

How are we strangers again. . .  after all the time we spent. . . .

The way that it stands
I can't hold you
The way that it stands
I don't even know you

You might be holding back more than you held back then.  That's ok.  You can keep your secrets.
You forget how animated your face gets though, so reading your face is like reading a favourite book, where I've memorised lines, anticipated the twists and turns in the story, reading those same passages over and over and feeling exactly the same way in each twist and turn.  It's that weird space of knowing that you can't change anything, even if you could.  You're just feeling the exact, right reaction at this moment in time.  Underneath it all, maybe I don't even know you.  But are we meant to really know anybody anyway?  If we don't really get to know ourselves as much first?

We're strangers again
How does it happen after all the time we spent
Strangers again
Now we're waiting for our time to come again
Strangers again
Facing the sad sunrise
Rising, rising

How do people who know each other so well, suddenly become strangers?
When closeness ends and separation ensues, it is usually because it has to end and new beginnings must start to take shape and form, otherwise we will start to lose ourselves in places we cannot afford to be lost.  We will never be able to pull ourselves back from making poor decisions.  What do we even base our decisions anymore?  When do things become strange again?  Light creeps in and exposes secrets that you think you held tightly, that you thought you had either buried or disposed of away from prying eyes.

Don't let go my hand
Don't try to freeze me
Don't let go my hand
I want you to seize me

Why will people not let go of your hand?  When we try to freeze people out, is it because it is what we really want to do, or what we feel we must do in order for things to be able to move in a meaningful way?  I can't be tasked with helping people see things about themselves that they always seem reluctant to see for themselves.  Are you prepared to hear what you need to hear, instead of what you want to hear?  You should be done with seizing people, taking over their lives or being seen  as someone with all the answers, because these are no concerns of ours anymore.  When someone reaches out for your hand time and time again, politely relinquish their hold over you.  There is no need to hold onto things that we don't need, people we don't need.



We're lovers again
And when it happens I don't want the night to end
Lovers again
Now we're waiting for our time to come again
Lovers again
Facing the sad sunrise
Rising, rising

When you become lovers again, you agree to return to a place that doesn't really exist.
We believe we have entered our new reality - but we might just be lurking in a perceived reality that we can't yet hold up to the light, in the light of day, in public, uncaring of people's opinions or cast aspersions.  We wait patiently for those times to come around again.  What does that make us?  People who are good at waiting.  We almost become like wait staff who do other people's bidding, waiting for tips for jobs well done that we don't understand we aren't being paid to deliver.  How did we learn to wait in this way?  Are these the lessons that life teaches us?  To sacrifice what little we have, to hold onto what little we can?  We compromise our self respect for the crumbs and promises that can never satisfy.  This is what the sad sunrise looks like to me.

Let's spend some time together
Not seeking pain or pleasure
Just killing time together
Tonight

Being able to tell someone that you have no expectations of them, that you are willingly representing someone in their life who doesn't give them any pressure - how do they take that?  They might prioritise you last in their life, because you don't ply them with urgency or lever them with something that prompts them to place you further up in the list.  When you are able to seek neither pain or pleasure - what else is left?  Being able to celebrate physical nearness, just being able to be together doing absolutely nothing - isn't that what everyone wants?  Time well spent is killing time with you.

We're strangers again
And when it all happens all you know I can't pretend
Strangers again
Now we're waiting for our time to come again
Strangers again
Facing the sad sunrise
Rising, rising

I hope that you won't need to face that many sad sunrises.
It's like figuring out that as much as you know about someone, maybe even understand or know them more than any other person in their life, you are not an actual part of their lived reality.  You don't belong in the spaces that they now occupy, which is why they either push you away, or give excuses not to see you, even though they spend time doing other things that are detrimental to their health and wellbeing.  Maybe they can't give you what you haven't been able to articulate because they're just not capable of giving that with their baggage.  They can't give you what you haven't been able to say with their actual choices that maybe did not include you as an option.  But hey, if you're willing to wait for your time to come again, then maybe, just maybe, you might not have to face sad sunrises for much longer, and that before long, you will no longer be strangers again. . .