Sunday, 4 February 2018

Evergreen. . .

Oh I can't see the forest for the trees. . . 
A blogpost tribute to Deborah Faaiuaso

I kissed my penny and threw it in
I prayed I'd keep my soul
Went down to the river where the water bends
The only place I know 

It can be very easy to lose your soul and try not to let others damage it in any way - intentionally or unintentionally.  What do you want to let go of and throw into the river?  It's been a difficult week this past week, with the news of your death.  Everyone retreated I think to the memory banks of their minds to search for memories of you and the last conversation that they had with you.  These might be the only places that they know to find you, to reach back and relive those moments again with you.  Everyone will have their own places to search for you.  Whether they are through photos, videos or conversations that they remember vividly with you.  These are things that people will keep tucked away in their soul until they see yours again.   

Oh I can't see
The forest
For the trees

People always say, live every day like it is your last, because you never know when that will be.
We can see people who do live that way, and we can probably spend a bit of time being envious for their zest for life and trying everything once.  You were like that.  That gung ho attitude of yours would be an asset to how you lived your life, and encouraged others to do the same.  I think it would be so easy to see you amongst the forest though, a tree like you would stand out no matter where you stood and grew.  You being planted in the way you were, all you could do was teach others to grow just as strong, even when they were unwilling to.


So will you wait for me?
Will you wait for me?
Will you wait for me?
My evergreen

A question I'm sure that your friends and family will ask of you.
I am sure that everyone has their memories of you, their most recent of you.
I remember you most in your early days of high school when you had just started and I was finishing school.  There was a spark to you that was even hard to extinguish then.  You would be the youngest taupou to perform every I believe in the AGGS history of the competitive Samoan group at ASB Polyfest.  Catherine Pereira, Faatoe Fitiao, MaryAnne Winterstein and I had no issues with your selection in this role, even though you were so young.  It was a testament to your commitment to the leadership role and how you carried yourself as a young Samoan woman.  


Standing at the water's edge
The Mississippi's overflowing
Hold your current in my hands
You bring the meaning to my moments

It was obvious to see how much you meant to those who attended your funeral services.
They were there to mourn your passing but more importantly to share memories of your wonderful life, that you lived so fully.  The family moments that were shared will probably be the hardest for those you loved the most, the daily tasks and conversations that you had with each of your siblings in particular was the funniest to hear.  I have thought about those moments too.  What you shared with whoever crossed your path.  You had a good memory, a skill that came in handy as the organiser of the family and friends who knew you best.  I liked in particular the times when we would cross paths and you would remember what we had talked about on the previous occasion.  It showed how much you cared about people and genuinely listened to their stories, how they were going in their own lives.

Oh I can't see
The forest
For the trees
Oh I feel so 
Hopeless against the stream

I know that when all of the families and friends who have travelled far and wide to farewell you have gone, it will only be your immediate family and closest friends who will feel your absence the most keenly.  Their grief will only be tempered by the knowledge that you are now in your Father's house getting acquainted with your new surroundings and everyone else you missed yourself who passed on before.  I know that in your own way you will be with your nearest and dearest when they need you the most.  It is the strongest comfort that I have felt for myself when I miss Loma the most.  I am secure in the knowledge that he would always want me to stay strong and live the hell out of this life before I see his face again in heaven.  I am sure that your loved ones will know that your heart would not want them to feel hopeless against the stream. . . 

So will you wait for me?
My evergreen
I know it's just as hard in Heaven
So will you wait for me?
My evergreen
I know it's just as hard 
My evergreen
Evergreen
My evergreen


News of losing you last week impacted me in a way that I didn't expect.
Work and study were just swamped of memories of you and how much I thought you could have achieved as your days have been cut short.  But upon reflection, I see that it is not within our human comprehension to understand why you had to leave this earthly realm, but only to understand that those of us you have left behind must take on board your legacy and do what we can with the time we have.  Thank you for sharing your life with us.  It was great to see and meet everyone who came to celebrate your life.  We hope that we will see you again.  We will all miss your smile and your laughter and mocking skills.  While we wait for the day to see you again, we just need to know, so will you wait for me?

RIP Deborah.
Per Angusta Ad Augusta xxx